Thursday, June 18, 2009

The hardest part about starting a journey is knowing what to pack

So for those of you who are my Facebook friends you may have seen my post about making a "life decision." Well, wait no longer friends, the huge payoff is upon you. Ok, maybe its not huge, but here it is. At the last physical i had, which admittedly was a while ago, my doc told me that i needed to lose about 100 pounds. So that what i am setting off to do. I'm not really ready to let all of the blogosphere know how big i am, but rest assured i will at some point. I don't know how smart it really is to make such a thing public about myself, but in my mind that's kind of the whole thing here.

Let me 'splain:

For those of you who know me and have been around me, you all know I'm fat. For those of you who know me and haven't seen me since high school, hey guess what, I'm fat now. Like, way bigger than you remember me. Not quite Chris Farley fat, but fat enough to make sweat pants seem appealing. Unfortunately this fact has kept me from wanting to see folks from my past. Frankly I'm ashamed about how i have really let myself go. My wife (god bless her) has been really tolerant and supportive of my future and past attempts to get my body back into some semblance of a healthy 29 year old. Thanks Bex, i love you. Anyway, I'm not getting any younger and i figured that i really need to grow up and handle my biz.

Since high school, i have been leading an increasingly sedentary lifestyle. I spend most of my day strapped to a keyboard at work. When i get home, i just want to crash on the couch and have a beer and listen to Becky snore on the couch while i watch Star Trek. On the weekends i just want to crash on the couch and have a beer and enjoy my time with my wife while she is conscious. It's not that i don't enjoy physical activity, its just that since i have become bigger, its so much harder. I actually enjoy golf and a lot of other competitive sports i just can't do them as long as i used to be able to. See, I'm a lazy person and try as i might, i don't think its gonna change anytime soon. (sorry mom and dad.) I just don't have the self discipline to maintain my weight. By the way, I just want to state that my laziness is completely my choice, my parents really did a good job at keeping me active and promoting healthy lifestyles when i was growing up, but my internal programming seems to have won. So, upon much reflection and self analysis, I have come to the realization that i won't lose weight for my health, i won't lose weight for myself, and as crappy as it sounds i won't lose weight for my wife. I wouldn't even lose weight if it meant i could reduce the number of run-on sentences in this blog. It's not that those aren't all worthy reasons to do it, its just that the attitude i have kept for a long time now is, 'if people have a problem with me or my appearance than screw 'em'. The problem with all of that is that I don't REALLY feel that way, i just use it as an excuse to justify my chronic selfishness/laziness. So, now I'm doing this for all of those reasons above, only I'm using you (all of you) as my motivation. And my crutch.

Fear of public failure can be a powerful motivator, and if do this on my own the only person I'm going to let down is me. I don't really care about letting myself down, I've been doing it for years. I am appalled by the prospect of putting myself out there and failing, so this is as good a motivation as i can get. So I'm asking all of you to help keep me honest and on track. In return i will try to be as honest as i can on here. Hopefully i can even entertain you so you continue to read this blog.

Ok, at the risk of going too much longer and losing you in a blizzard of self-pity and loathing i'll stop here. Sorry if the facebook tease was a bit of a let down, apparently some of you think i live a much more salacious and deviant life (alden, I'm looking at you here). So thanks for you support, July 5th is day one. Ill let you all know the details of how i plan on getting to the top of the fat mountain when i work it all out.

P.S. According to spell check, I suck at spelling and grammar. I apologize to any English teachers that i may have offended.

1 comment:

  1. In the immortal words of Rob Schneider, "You can do it!!!"